The Who Crew hits the high seas in Episode 3, The Curse of the Black Spot. So, what did I think of this unabashed homage to the pirate life? Read on for my review.

*WARNING – THIS REVIEW CONTAINS  A FULL PLOT SUMMARY – SPOILERS AHEAD – YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED*

REVIEW – DOCTOR WHO  – SERIES 6 – EPISODE 3 – THE CURSE OF THE BLACK SPOT

Ok, so we’ve had the spooky desert episode, and then we had the spookier orphanage episode, now it’s time for the spooky pirate romp. The episode opens with an establishing shot of the ship. And this is a magnificent, and very real ship. A row boat containing four pirates approaches the ship as bone wind chimes rattle. The boat is becalmed, still, and there is no wind to fill the sails. As the pirates reach the ship,we find out there is a man wounded. Visible shaken by the news, one of the pirates orders another to wake the captain. Now, in the Captain’s cabin, we got our first look at Captain Avery (Hugh Bonneville). The Pirate has a small cut on his hand. The Captain proclaims him a dead man. Wait, I’m sure I can hear a legion of Monty Python/Doctor Who fans shouting at the screen “It’s only a Flesh Wound.” But, as the Captain turns the man’s hand around, we see the ominous “black spot” clear in the middle of his hand. There’s more going on hear. Anyway, suddenly, the sound of a woman singing fills the air. “She’s here” the Captain says. The injured pirate FREAKS OUT and rushes from the cabin. “The Siren is upon him” one of the other pirates says. The injured pirate runs from the cabin, stumbling across the deck. Out on the deck, the singing grows louder and the pirate is blindly stumbling around. Suddenly, inside the locked Captain’s cabin, a loud cry is heard. The door is unlatched and the Captain and the other pirates search the deck, but find only the wounded pirate’s discarded pistol.  The man is gone, but there is no sign of a struggle. Wow, what kind of fearsome creature is this Siren? Suddenly, there’s a knock on the hatch door of the hold. The pirates freak out, thinking that the Siren has returned. But, as the hatch door is opened, it is revealed to be just out TARDIS crew. The Doctor’s first words this episode: “Yo Ho Ho.” Cliche? yes,  but also pretty cool. So, 2:18 in, with Rory and Amy waving behind the Doctor, we’re into the opening titles. This is already a big change from the last two episodes, where it was 5 or 6 minutes before we got here.

After our trip through the credit-filled vortex, we’re back on board the ship. The TARDIS is sitting in the hold, while The Doctor (Matt Smith), Amy (Karen Gillan) and Rory (Arthur Darville) try to explain to Captain Avery why they have come to his aid. Which is difficult, since Avery does not understand the word sensor and has not sent a distress signal. Captain Avery pronounces them stowaways and says they deserve the pirates’ “hospitality.” Of course, this being a Doctor Who pirate episode, that means the Doctor is going to walk the plank. But, being the Doctor, he has to stall for time. He does so using some really funny dialogue concerning pirate cliches: “Can you do the laugh? check. Grab yourself a parrot. Welcome aboard.” Avery orders them to take Amy, whom he refers to as “the doxy”, below. She implores Rory for a little help, to which he replies “She’s not a doxy.” Meanwhile, the Doctor is still stalling on the plank, even lamenting his lack of a hat. Meanwhile, below decks, Amy finds a chest full of swords and a full pirate outfit, which causes her to have an idea that involves very little rational thought.

Emerging from below decks in pirate coat and hat, Amy raises her sword level with Avery’s face, telling him to put his gun on the ground. Suddenly, some one of the pirates lunges at Amy, and we’ve got ourselves a full-blown sword fight. You can tell how much fun Karen had filming these scenes. Karen practiced with the sword quite a bit for these scenes, and it is to her credit that they look so natural. But, Amy doesn’t just sword fight. In full swashbuckling style, she swings across the deck on a rope. Yes, amazingly, Karen did these stunts as well. On the way across the deck, Amy nicks one of the pirates with her sword. The pirate says she’s killed him. Amy thinks he is over-reacting. Suddenly, the black spot appears in the center of his palm. “One drop of blood. That’s all it takes.”, Captain Avery says, warning “she will rise out of the ocean. Angry at Amy, a pirate pulls her off the rope, as she falls, her sword is dislodged and it cuts Rory as it falls. The black spot appears on Rory’s palm.

It time for the songbird’s second number, as the group stands mesmerized. The Siren’s song, Avery explains, makes men go mad. It certainly seems to be doing so to Rory. Arthur has some absolutely hilarious scenes where Rory acts almost drunk, falling all over Amy, who now brings our attention to what’s in front of them.

Out of a patch of glowing green water, the Siren (Lily Cole) emerges. And, I must say, even painted green, Lily Cole is still a very pretty female. The Siren lands on the deck, and walks towards the group. So, she’s not quite a ghost, but definitely not human. The mystery deepens…. The pirate Amy cut with her sword approaches the Siren’s outstretched hand. There is an ethereal green glow surrounding the Sire. As the pirate’s hand makes contact with hers, the pirate disappears in plume of smoke. Amy gets in front of Rory as he moves towards the Siren and tell her he’s spoken for. The Siren gets angry, turns red, and throws Amy across the deck.

The Doctor, Rory, Amy and the pirates flee to a store room. The Doctor assess the Siren, ” a green singing shark in an evening gown.” He also dismisses the notion of a curse, saying it’s a human thing. And, Rory is still hilariously “song drunk.” The Doctor mentions FREUD TO A PIRATE! Yes, there’s an compensating joke. Avery wants to see the TARDIS. But, there’s leeches is the bilge water, and one of the pirates gets bitten. As they run through the water, he pulls off the leech and , guess what?, he’s bleeding. I know. I’m just as shocked as you are. Anyone want to guess what’s happens next? That’s right. Black spot, singing and guess who’s coming to dinner? And, here she is, appearing right behind the Doctor. The pirate reaches out for her and yep, you guessed it, bye bye pirate. The flee back to the deck from the store room, where the Doctor, who is now wearing the dead pirate’s hat, says the Siren is using water as a portal and they need to go somewhere completely dry. Avery suggests the magazine, and after a reassertion of his order, they all proceed there.

Arriving at the magazine, the pirate with the keys finds the magazine key is missing. Don’t you think a key like that should be harder to steal? The Doctor tries the door and it pushes open. Entering the magazine, they barricade the door, then set about  looking for the intruder, but see no one. All of a sudden, a faint coughing is heard coming from one of the barrels. Avery opens the barrel and angrily hauls out a young boy. PIRATE CLICHE ALERT: It’s his son.

We learn from the boy that Avery’s wife died of the fever last winter. She has apparently told the boy all out about his father, conveniently leaving out the fact that he is a PIRATE! Talk about glossing over the facts! Avery says he doesn’t want the boy here because of the danger of the Siren. But, the boy knows all about the Black Spot. In fact, SURPRISE!, he is marked with it himself. But, the boy is not cut or scratched in any way. He does have a heck of a cough though. This causes the Doctor to revise his original theory that she wants blood. His new theory is that she is going after all of the sick people. The Doctor decides to take everyone away in the TARDIS. The boy opens a barrel with water inside and the Siren’s hand springs up from it. The Doctor slams the lid back on. He defers to Avery for their next move. Avery decides that he and the Doctor will go for the TARDIS, while the others remain and barricade the door. Avery gives his son a medal bearing the Siren on it, and the Doctor uses what he believes is the throwaway line: ” We’ve all got to go sometime.” The line provokes a slight response in Amy.

The Doctor and Avery make their way back to the hold. Avery almost stabs himself on a nail, but is able to stop himself. The arrive at the TARDIS and go inside. Avery has the typical reaction for a 17th century pirate captain who has just entered a blue wooden crate which is bigger on the inside. In the TARDIS, the Doctor informs Avery of the location of the KITCHEN and the THREE BATHROOMS!

Back inside the magazine, Amy takes Rory to task for some of the less than brilliant things he said while under the Siren’s influence. Suddenly, the pirates in front of them begin unblocking the door. Saying that Avery has gone soft, they plan to escape.

Back in the TARDIS, the Doctor is describing the controls to Avery: “That does very, very complicated. That does sophisticated. That does whoa amazing. And, that does whiz, bang, far too technical to explain.” However, Avery seems to follow along just fine, “Wheel, telescope, astrolabe, compass. A ship’s a ship.” the look on the Doctor’s face as Avery simplifies his “very complicated” machine is priceless.

Inside the magazine, the boy, whose name we learn is Toby, is angered by the pirate’s disobedience. But, the boy quickly becomes despondent as the pirates fill him in on his father’s real occupation.

Inside the TARDIS, the Doctor tries to take off, and nothing happens. Aery does his best not to look smug about it. The Doctor is incredulous and notices Avery’s expression, leading to a very funny dialogue exchange: “You had to gloat. I saw that look just now: “Ha Ha, his ship is rubbish.” “True.”

The pirates in the magazine are preparing to leave. Toby confronts them with a sword.  Toby nicks one of the pirates with the cutlass and a small cut appears on his hand.

Back inside the TARDIS, the Doctor is still having problems taking off. He can’t lock onto the spatial plane they’re on. Avery is confused with these terms. Suddenly, the TARDIS begins to shudder.

Back in the magazine, the black spot has appeared on the injured pirate’s hand. He pulls his gun, but Rory reminds him that they are in the MAGAZINE, and it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to shoot. The uninjured pirate decides that the time has come for him to go, so he takes the keys and leaves. Amy encourages the injured pirate to re-barricade the door.

Meanwhile, back in the TARDIS, the Doctor cannot get control and he and Avery are forced to abandon ship as the TARDIS begins to dematerialize. The TARDIS dematerializes surrounded by an eerie green glow reminiscent of the one that surrounds the Siren. The Doctor is a bit flummoxed after the experience. Avery has a smart-ass line that is a great dog at the Doctor “not much of a Captain without a ship, are you?” On the way back to the magazine, they are met by Mulligan, the other pirate who was not injured in the magazine. PIRATE CLICHE ALERT: “This is mutiny.”  Avery and the Doctor go after him, as he is heading for the treasure. The Doctor repeats the mantra for this episode “Don’t get injured. don’t get injured.” Mulligan enters a storeroom and uses a small piece of wood with some powder on it as a lamp. He burns his hand and drops it however. Suddenly, it’s time for another solo from the glowing green Siren. The telltale green glow and scream means another pirate bites the dust. The Doctor and Avery unlock the door and notice that there is no water in the room. So, Avery asks, “how did she take him?” Whoops, looks like the Doctor was wrong again. It’s not water, he realizes, as Avery holds up a shiny gold crown, but reflections. Meanwhile, back in the magazine, Toby is  polishing his silver medallion, making it nice and SHINY! Uh Oh! The Doctor and Avery race back to the magazine. Upon entering, the Doctor grabs the medallion from Toby and breathes on it to obscure the reflection. The Doctor and Avery run to his cabin, where the Doctor breaks all the windows and mirrors. This scene contains some more great lines of dialogue: “Yes, yes, I know, bad luck to break it. But, look at it this way. There’s a stroppy, homicidal mermaid trying to kill all.” Avery is shocked though, as the Doctor tells him they must throw out the treasure too. As the Doctor tosses treasure out of the window, he send Avery tog et the crown from the storeroom.

Back in the magazine, the Doctor reveals that the TARDIS has been “towed” and his current plan is for them to wait until the wind picks up. Avery and Toby talk while Rory and Amy sleep. Suddenly, a voice is heard: “It’s fine. You’re doing fine. Just stay calm.” Suddenly, we look on the door and there is a slot opened in the wall, through which we can see…EYEPATCH LADY! SHE’S HERE AGAIN! THIS IS TWO EPISODES IN A ROW, SHE MUST BE IMPORTANT! KEEP AN EYE ON THIS ONE! Amy rises as the slot closes, startled. The wall bears no evidence of a slot.

On the deck, the Doctor and Avery converse about travel and companionship. Avery says he will take Toby back to England.  Avery says his course is set and he cannot alter it. In the captain’s cabin, the Doctor tells Amy he fells like something is out there. Suddenly, a huge storm erupts, and it’s off to rig the sails. The Doctor is at the wheel. Avery is barking orders at Rory and Amy. he sends Toby to fetch his coat, and when he does, the crown rolls out onto the deck. Toby glares at his father. But, wait is that singing I hear? It turns out the Doctor was right this time, and the Siren emerges from the crown. Toby walk towards the Siren, touches her hand and…poof!. The Doctor throws the crown overboard and berates Avery.

Without warning, the yardarm snaps and carries Rory overboard. Amy makes to jump in after him, but The Doctor stops her. He realizes the only way to save him is to release the Siren. He opens a water barrel and out comes the Siren. The Doctor tells her to save Rory and she dives into the water. The Doctor realizes to find the people that have been taken, they have to let the Siren take them. So, they all prick their fingers, and one flash of green light later they are gone and the ship’s deck is empty.

They wake up….ON A CONCRETE FLOOR! It turns out they are on board a SPACE SHIP CAUGHT IN A TEMPORAL RIFT! That’s right, here’s the twist for this episode, over 30 MINUTES IN! Both the pirate ship and the space ship are on different planes that have collided so you can literally, as the Doctor puts it “walk from one plane to the other.” Every reflection becomes a portal. A klaxon begins sounding. Amy reasons out that it’s the distress call they picked up that led them here in the first place. The Siren’s song can be heard throughout the ship, meaning she is on board. The Doctor opens a doorway and they find a dead crew member. The passage ends at the bridge, where they find the Captain, also dead. He died from a human virus that came through the portal. The Doctor puts his hand down on the console and comes away with a handful of what he calls “alien boggies”, which he wipes on Amy’s coat.

Opening another door, they find all of the pirates, Toby and Rory lying on beds, in rows suspended in the air. The Doctor examines them. They’re being kept alive, in stasis. They examine Toby. His fever is gone. The Doctor discovers that the black spot is actually a tissue sample. The Doctor also finds the TARDIS, which he is very happy about. The Doctor starts to remove Rory’s breathing collar, and he wakes up. The Siren approaches, so the Doctor, Amy and Avery hide. As she approaches Rory, he begins struggling, She begins singing and he calms down. The Doctor reasons that the music is anesthesia. Avery steps out and shoots at her, which causes her to go all red and angry. The Doctor, who has been properly soaked for quite some time now, unexpectedly sneezes. This causes the Siren to round on him, a beam of crackling energy suddenly appearing between her hands. He blows his nose with a handkerchief, which he throws on the ground. The Siren fires at it, incinerating it. Finally, as Amy tries to unhook Rory, the Doctor works it all out. Thank Goodness he got there. The end of the episode is fast approaching. Anyway, it turns out they are in an automated sick bay, and the Siren is a doctor. Since the crew are dead, the Siren has been teleporting the pirates aboard and looking after them. The Siren still won’t let Amy touch Rory. The Doctor tells Amy to show the Siren her ring. The Siren produces a virtual consent form, which Amy signs by placing her hand inside a circle of light generated around the Siren’s hand. After Amy puts her hand in the circle, the Siren disappears. As Amy disconnects him, it  becomes apparent that he can’t breathe. As the situation is explained to a now-conscious Rory, he tells Amy she can perform CPR on him after they remove him. Amy is hesitant, but Rory is confident. When Amy asks why it has to be her, Rory says “because I know you’ll never give up.” Yes, boys and girls, it’s time to put Amy and Rory’s marriage through the wringer again to see if it survives.

The Doctor tells Avery that they have to send the ship back into space. After being told that Toby cannot leave, Avery decides to stay with him. Satisfied, the Doctor returns to Amy and Rory. It’s time to take their leave, and for Rory to put his life in Amy’s hands.

They disconnect Rory and he immediately flatlines. They carry him into the TARDIS, where the Doctor helplessly looks on as Amy tries to save Rory’s life through CPR. Five reps of CPR and still no response. OK. SERIOUSLY? RORY’S DEAD AGAIN?! After six reps with no response, Amy thinks she lost him and is crying. Suddenly, Rory begins coughing. The Doctor looks very relieved. Amy and Rory embrace.

Meanwhile, back on the bridge of the space ship, Avery and Toby are at the console, with all of the pirates awake again, standing behind them, as they travel through space. Avery and Toby both look truly happy.

Meanwhile, the TARDIS is in flight, seemingly completely back to normal.  Meanwhile, Amy and Rory head off to bed. Amy says goodnight to the Doctor. “Goodnight Amelia”, the Doctor replies. She says he only calls her Amelia when he’s worried about her. “I always worry about you”, he replies. Amy flashes back to the Doctor’s death in The Impossible Astronaut. “Mutual”, she says. “Go to bed Pond”, the Doctor orders. She rolls her eyes and goes up the stairs with Rory. Rory warns her that she can’t tell him. At the console, the Doctor is again looking at the scanner screen, which is displaying the fluctuating pregnancy scan the Doctor took last episode. “Oh Amelia.”, he sighs as the episode ends.

THE VERDICT:  Above all else, this episode was a welcome change from the gravitas of the first two-parter. This episode was quite dark, but still had quite a bit of humor. Matt Smith’s description of it as a romp was quite accurate. This episode “borrows from”, which should be understood to mean “lovingly rips off”,  just about every major pirate story of all time. This includes, but is not limited to Treasure Island and, of course, the Pirates of the Caribbean films. There are only two major pirate cliches that are not used: parrots and wooden legs. There is only one eyepatch in the episode, but it’s an important one. The biggest problem of this episode is the fact that the sci-fi twist comes so late into it, you’re kind of sad about it. I was kind of sad to have to leave the pirate ship behind for the space ship. The acting in this episode was fantastic though. Matt Smith and Hugh Bonneville did a great job of conveying the competitive relationship between the Doctor and Captain Avery. Bonneville also does a great job of showing Avery’s conflicted nature. Arthur Darville again gets a chance to flesh out the character of Rory, and particularly of his faith in Amy. Karen Gillan steals the show this week, both physically and emotionally. Lily Cole also does an amazing job as the Siren. In the end, this was a great distraction episode that really didn’t answer any questions. Hopefully, answers are coming. But, I don’t think we’re going to get any from Neil Gaiman next week.

Next Week, we visit a junkyard planet as superstar writer Neil Gaiman presents the most anticipated episode of the first half of Series 6, the intriguingly titles “The Doctor’s Wife.”